Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Finally..I am no more in pain.

Finally my 2 months waiting is over.
For the past 2 months I have not been able to live my life to the fullest as I have to reserve for a consequence that I might leave Malaysia for Education@UK.
Somehow it is a relieve though it does not make me any happier.
Since the day I applied for the scholarship, it was done purely base on "I just want to try my luck"
The moment I clicked the submit button, I forgot about it.
Until I got the letter calling for the interview, then I started to think about it seriously.
But everytime I think about it, I was nervous to hell and I couldn't think further.
As much as I wanted to go, that is how much I wanted to stay here.
Since day 1 that I knew I might have a chance to get the scholarship, I never ever pray for my success in the interview. Maybe because I don't know what I want. I don't know what's the best for me. I really really leave to God to decide for me. And He has made a decision and I am happy for His decision. God knows better. But I am glad that I've made up to the interview stage.. out of 600 applications, I was among the 54 shorlisted for the interview, though I'm not in the successful 40.
I couldn't imagine if last night I received a congratulation-letter, I might not come to office today. I need to think and plan really hard for thousands of arrangement to go to UK with my whole family. That is why I never ever start planning for the 'if' I got the scholarship - it's just too much:
1. the english test that I have to take - and the requirement is pretty high. My TOEFL that I took in 1996 was far below the requirement by the Uni.
2. the visa for the whole family - it will cost a lot! I need to show a financial capability of about 500 pound per head per month!
3. the school for my eldest and second's
4. the apartment for us
5. Not to mention the possibility that I may quit my current job because the probablity for me to get unpaid leave is very slim due to current economic situation
6. And how about my hubby? Is he able to get unpaid leave as well? Should he quit as well just to be in UK with me for 1 year?
7. If item 6 is not possible, I may end up going there alone. leaving the whole family behind... that is another thing to decide also.

All in all, I might end-up rejecting the offer.
Well, I could be rejecting with style... at least.
But today, I just smile and laugh to go on with my beautiful life in Malaysia.
For I cannot ask for more...
(errr.. did I sound like memujuk diri sendiri??.. )
No. you bet, I'm not. I have lots of things to do here...
1. I am looking forward to complete my master program (I have completed 2 semester.. another 2 or 3 semester to go)
2. I am looking forward to send my eldest to primary school. She is in her best momentum in learning now, I don't want her interest and achievement 'terbantut' due to culture shock if we transferred her to new school in UK
3. I am looking forward to buy a new MPV
4. I am looking forward to rearrange, renovate and add few more stuffs for my house
5. I am looking forward for a good holiday somewhere in the middle of the year ( my hubby promise me a holiday to replace the Bandung trip that I missed)

Fight to fulfil all our dreams because we wouldn't know which one will really fulfill our lives.
It is better to regret things that we have done than things we never even tried to do.

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