Conflict

Yes, I'm paranoid about my age.
Since I turned 25, I always have this conflict within myself about my health, my look, my personality, my behaviors.

And now that I turn 30 (and will be 31 this year), I still haven't resolve the conflict yet. I'm still confused and paranoid.

I think from now onwards, I would want to think that I am always 30, nothing more than that. My age number stop at 30. Fullstop. I hate when people ask me about my number. I think 31 is not a nice number. Unlike when I was in 20 to 29, it felt fabolous to say it outloud. I felt like an adult but yet a teenager. But 31?! it makes me feel so 'makcik' ok...

But I need to resolve my conflict. I need new image so I can feel great about myself. I don't know what to wear, how to act. I need sombody to help me! and I also need funds to replace my wardrobe! I don't want to look like a teenager, and I don't want to look like makcik either. I just want to look perfectly 30. Mature but fresh. Arrghhh!! this is a real conflict.