Friday, February 24, 2006

Is this a PMS?

This is yesterday story.

8.00a.m.
I feel so terrible...
My voice was a bit high when he asked me whether I'm asking him to go together or I'm instructing him to go to a Forum, which I also will attend.
(Yeah.. maybe I feel like he was questioning my ego)
But that was not the beginning....
I think everything start last two nights.
When I was pressured hard by our client to deliver the project, yet my Company has not issue a PO to our sub-cont. And my sub-cont is not cooperative and giving me a hard time.
I feel like a sandwich.
And I want to quit doing this one project... (that's how I ended up with my yesterday's blog)
I swear I won't communicate with him until my Company & this stupid sub-cont settle their parts. And I don't want to involve in anything about this project until then.
But that is only half of the pressure.

My tender document is yet finalized.. my subordinate is waiting for me to finalize his part & also my part.
My BIG Boss keep on telling us that we can't tak eleave, we can't sleep to finish this project.
My Boss... he's being understanding, but not that helpful...

My Adept drawing... he's not pressuring me, but he's psychoing me.. that is even worst!

My car, the one that my father used until it got taken back by the banker... that is not settled yet too. Where do I find RM6000 right now?!
And Mom... just being different.. she's a bit calculative nowadays...
She asked me about RM500 that I owed her last three weeks?!
And she's quite reluctant to help me settling the car's loan.
And she even asked about the balance money that I got from selling my Waja (by the way, she put the downpayment for that Waja last 5 years) , which I took and put as my downpayment for my new car.

And all of those just pile-up one by one inside my head, until I don't know where to start and act.
And I broke down and cry... in the office's toilet....(and this is not the first time..)
Is this a normal pressure that all living person has to cope?
Or am I too stress out these days?
Or am I having a PMS??
I have been experienced this sensitive feeling since I gave birth to my second child.
All jokes seem to cut me...
All people's says feel like a critics...
Everything seems to be negative and hurting me...
And I can't defend myself... I feel so low...
Feel like no one understand me..
Feel like no one loves me... likes me...
Even friend is like a rival...
Even my Mom don't understand me... don't love me as much as she used too (before I get married)
Even hubby don't seems to understand...
But this is the only time that I feel I need my hubby most...
Because everybody else seems to turn away...
And don't know what you call this... a PMS? or just a stress?
Do I need to go and see a doctor?

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