Missing myself

I miss cooking, and eat my own cookings...
I miss my sewing machine...
I miss reading to my kids...

For the last two weeks, my life only evolves around office and classes. I woke up everyday at 6.45am and rush to send the kids to pre-school, and off to work. I only had lunch at the cafe because I need to pump in the afternoon to reduce the engorgement towarda the evening. Pity Dani, he starts to drink 50% breast milk and 50% soya milk now...

Office is not being any easier, I starts to organize some meetings, and also taking minutes. I'm practically a 'complaint officer' here now...

I only left office at 6.00 pm and rush to class which starts at 6.30pm. Unlike the previous semester, this semester, we have so many people in our class, probably due to cheaper program fee, and jobless grads. And they are mostly full-timers. So, they came on time, making us, part-timers look bad if we came late. The classes only end by 9.00 to 9.30 pm. By then, I left with only enough energy to drive home. But wait, before I can really put my body to rest, I still need to restock the milk for tomorrow and wash my face, and kiss my sweet little angels (they are really sweet when they are sleeping!). But before I could do all that, Dani would know that I'm home already and cry for me.

My long day ends by 11.00 pm. Not so bad... but before I really really go off, it is rather difficult to shut down my brain. There are so many brain activities going on for the whole day and some unfinished works that need to be done tomorrow. The worst part is I sometime dream about the next day activities...

My weight has drastically dropped for 3-4 kg's.. making me close to my previous first pregnancy - 45kg. Maybe it's the Herbalife and less eating (I only had rice once a day during lunch, which I make it mandatory to have rice for lunch. I skip dinner mainly because there is no time and place to have one, and I don't want to eat heavy stuff before night sleep). Or it could be the longer breastfeeding period for Dani as compared to others. But alhamdulillah, I still feel good and healthy, and not starving.

At times like this, I really need a 'hero' inside me, to feel strong and not to give up. To always forgive myself for being absent from my angels...